Monday, April 1, 2013

Top 5 Best Waluigi Games Of All Time

No Nintendo character gets as much love as Waluigi. Not only did he get a starring role on every Nintendo console to date, but his popularity spawned many spin-offs and crossovers. And who can deny that stache'?

There was lot of great Waluigi games, and since Nintendo is dubbing this year the "Year of Waluigi" we decided it seemed fitting to sit down and discuss once and for all which of his games were the best. After a week of discussing it over (ergo; slap fighting) we have come to conclude that the following 5 are the best games the lovable purple plumber has starred in: 

5. New Super Waluigi Bros. 3 (Wii) 
While both previous NSWB games were good fun, they pale in comparison to the third game in the series. Actually adding "New" to the rebooted franchise, NSWB3 pits our four heroes (Waluigi, Wario, Dry Bones, and Birdo) against the evil king Wart yet again, but this time they have to collect radishes- lots of radishes. While some can argue that the radish collecting was a dumb gimmick, it at least proved to offered a fun challenge to beat each others' high score on Radish Rush Levels (though, it unfortunately capped at 30,000 radishes). On top of the already extensive content the game offers, new DLC packs will deliver more Waluigi radish-collecting action in the months ahead, so there's plenty to do in an already awesome game. Can't wait for the sequels! 

4. Wario is Missing! Starring Mickey Mouse (NES)
Considered by some to be the greatest educational piece of software in existence, Wario is Missing is Waluigi's fourth starring role in a video game, and is Nintendo's first major collaboration project with Disney (let's try to forget their later attempts with Disney Wii Sports Bowling) When Wario is taken away by evil Pete's henchmen for not paying his taxes, it's up to Waluigi and Mickey Mouse to save him by solving algorithm problems, learning about tax refunds, and answering pop culture questions about Madonna's new hit singles. Difficulty settings from Pre-school to college to "know-it-all" assure that everyone can enjoy the game and boost their I.Q. by 40 points. A thought-provoking storyline will keep you engrossed until the last tearful ending (I dare you to find a more perfect ending in a video game), while accompanied by some of the most epic music in video game history. Wario is Missing! should be part of everyone's childhood (if it isn't, stop playing video games right now, your childhood sucked). 

3. Waluigi Pinball (DS) 
Regarded as the best DS game of all time, Waluigi Pinball offered one pinball table (one was all you needed) of pure unadulterated fun. Unfazed by Mario's previous pinball adventure, Waluigi steps it up a generation later by cramming himself into a ball and delivering the most essential DS game you could ever own on the console. This game made Metroid Prime Pinball look like sh*t in comparison. In fact, it made all DS games look like sh*t. Do we really need all those Pokemon games? Throw that crap out, brother; the DS has only one cartridge slot after all. 

2. LEGO Waluigi Bros. Vs. Capcom (Gamecube)
Know why this game is on the list? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?! Where else can you pit LEGO Waluigi and Birdo against Ryu and Amaterasu?! NO WHERE, B*TCH. Think Contra made you a man, you punk hipster?!?!?!?! This game gives you more balls than Pokemon!!! The Water Level alone takes FIVE YEARS to beat, you momma's boy!!! Melee got sh*t to this game!!! Third-parties might as well stop developing Horzes 3D pock-sh*t and just start making HD ports to this game!!! If this game isn't part of your daily EVERY WAKING MOMENT routine stop playing video games right NOW and go back to your momma's uterus, because your brain needs more time to develop and appreciate ART when it's staring in your stupid face!!!! 

1. Super Final Waluigi Fantasy RPG DX (SNES) 
You know what went wrong with SQUARE ENIX? The moment they decided this game didn't need a sequel. That's like declining chocolate cake, because your dumbarse brain registered a Portal meme joke. YOU STUPID. Final Fantasy has gone to the dogs as soon as Waluigi stepped out of the picture. I hope you're happy playing All The Bravest and looking up Lightning's skirt you apologetic scorn sons of a !@#$%$ #$%#@ %$#$ and perpetual feces slinging #$%& #$@% because the FF you know is a lie to appease you fickle fats. You never played Super Final Waluigi Fantasy RPG DX because you're all too emo and your Macs don't support the emulator! You don't know how REAL RPGs should play like. You pay $15 for an iOS Rom dump you can play on auto you sad sack of sh*t. Super Final Waluigi Fantasy RPG DX has you starting at Level -40 and level grinding makes your level go DOWN!! Super Waluigi Fantasy RPG DX has NOT ONE stupid CGI cut scene- because the graphics couldn't render it, you uncultured stupid-y stupid's stupid!!! Crono Trigger has got nothing to this game!!!! Go back to playing Kingdom Hearts you #$%&@- your kind doesn't deserve to even look upon the godly pedestal this game is situated on for your stupid face would melt off like that Nazi from Indiana Jones!!!! 
Honorable Mentions: Waluigi's Mansion, Waluigi's Woods (A-Rated title),  Waluigi Time, Waluigi Touch and Go! (also an A-Rated Title), and Waluigi 2: Wario's Adventure. 
Happy Year of Waluigi, everyone!


1 comment:

  1. Obvious April Fools joke is obvious (you didn't think I'd forget "Waluigi is Real", did you?). But nice try. I want Waluigi to have a more important role too.